i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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