If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
