smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
