She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
