When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
