In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
