Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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