its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
