The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
