We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
