I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
