You're my little dorito
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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