everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
