My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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