the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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