Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
