Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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