the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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