i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
