A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
