you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
