She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
