i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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