you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
