I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
