i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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