My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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