I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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