I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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