Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
