Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...