Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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