Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
