yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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