I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
this beer tastes like vomit already
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
sarcasm needs its own font
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
