Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
