i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
