drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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