I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
