I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
