so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
