I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i barfeds in our rink
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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