if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
