i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
