i jhust puked up my retainher.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
