My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
