i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We have started to decorate penises.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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