I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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