Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
