I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
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She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
True college students do jello shots in the library
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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