No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
