i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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