yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
