I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
