I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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