Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
