please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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