Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
