I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
