2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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