Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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