It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
