I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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