Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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