a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
