Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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