Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
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He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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