Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
